My name is H and I am a sinner. This is my testimony of how I found hope for life in our Lord Jesus Christ.
I was born and raised in Mexico in a loving non-believing family with strong values. Since childhood I needed something to put my faith on and so I became a fan of Hitler. My idolatry for this character almost caused my expulsion from university and caused such a big sorrow that I developed a 10-year long addiction to very impure material on the internet.
Externally, however, I was a role model to others. I was academically gifted, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke and didn’t sleep around. My parents and teachers always praised me for my virtues and I believed the lie, thinking that I was intellectually and morally superior to anyone.
My idolatries prevented me from developing any significant relationships with people outside my family and so I became very isolated and even more trapped into sinfulness. My only public outlet was academic achievement and so I gained scholarships to study in top universities in Mexico and the UK.
I got a very well paid job in the Mexican government, which reinforced my successful image. However, after two years I was burnt out and had nothing to strive for in life. I only had my sinful idols to worship. I was spiritually dead by age 29.
Not knowing what to do with my life, in 2005 I came to study a PhD at Cambridge. Very quickly, I realised it wasn’t my cup of tea and my motivation plummeted. I failed one course and I was at risk of being expelled. I wasn’t, and instead of being thankful, I thought the decision was undeserved which made me feel even more embittered.
I attended the International Student Welcome programme by the Christian Graduate Society in 2006. There I met a Christian girl who had just arrived to study her PhD. We became friends and soon I realised that I had never met such a good person before in my life. I fell in love with her, head over heels. I even stopped my sinful idolatry and wished she could save me from it.
However, when I revealed my feelings to her, she turned me down. Although I knew she had a boyfriend back home, I didn’t know they were going to marry. My heart broke. She apologised for the misunderstanding and called off the friendship. I broke down emotionally and wept for several months. That was the biggest pain in my life. I felt as if my salvation had been lost.
Realizing my urgent need of a saviour and hoping to find a good Christian girl to love me, I was very motivated to explore Christianity. It was my dear Singaporean housemate who stuck with me for several days from early morning till late at night and who answered all my questions and convinced me to pray with him and accept Jesus in my heart. That was on 18th February 2007.
How the Lord has worked in my life
The first change in my life after accepting Jesus as my saviour is that I gradually gave up on my isolation and sinful idolatry in exchange for friendship and fellowship with Christians. I was very encouraged and inspired by my Christian friends, especially by a bible study leader who provided sound teaching and harsh rebuking when needed. It was through her honest testimony that I realised that I still needed to accept my own brokenness and that I became aware of how much I had been forgiven by God through the blood of Jesus Christ. It is about seeking the giver rather than the gifts.
My two-year walk in the Lord has not been easy, though. I have experienced certainties and doubts, fear and comfort, illusion and disappointment. But I know that the Lord loves me and He will keep his promise till the end. Now I know that my life purpose is to seek the Lord’s Kingdom and I look forward to His plan for me. Praised be the Lord! Amen